Anyone who knows me, knows how much I love my children. Sometimes I don't know who I would be without them. My two older children are only with me 1 out of 2 weeks. If it were up to me I would have them full time, but I have to share with their mom too. My face changes, my demeanor changes on the Friday they come back to our house. I never signed up for being a part time dad and it kills me a little to see them go back there after a week at home.
In our 2 year old, I see so much of his older siblings, even though they do not share the same mom. I love him to pieces and especially love my time alone with him. Each day I find myself comparing him to how his big brother and sister were at that age. One of the scariest parts (and believe me, there are so many), is I find myself feeling guilty spending time with him when they (I guess I will eventually have to start using their names, but not yet) are not around. Am i not giving them enough attention? Am I being and father by taking so many pictures of me with him and not so many with them? Being a Father in a blended family has shown me how much I so love all three of them, but it has introduced a truck load of guilt and self doubt into my life.
I ask myself each day if I show (& tell) them how much I love them and how much I care? This dad business is so much harder than I thought it would be, but so much more rewarding.