Friday, 24 October 2014

Anyone who knows me, knows how much I love my children.  Sometimes I don't know who I would be without them.  My two older children are only with me 1 out of 2 weeks.  If it were up to me I would have them full time, but I have to share with their mom too.  My face changes, my demeanor changes on the Friday they come back to our house.  I never signed up for being a part time dad and it kills me a little to see them go back there after a week at home.

In our 2 year old, I see so much of his older siblings, even though they do not share the same mom.  I love him to pieces and especially love my time alone with him.  Each day I find myself comparing him to how his big brother and sister were at that age.  One of the scariest parts (and believe me, there are so many), is I find myself feeling guilty spending time with him when they   (I guess I will eventually have to start using their names, but not yet) are not around.  Am i not giving them enough attention?  Am I being and father by taking so many pictures of me with him and not so many with them?  Being a Father in a blended family has shown me how much I so love all three of them, but it has introduced a truck load of guilt and self doubt into my life.

I ask myself each day if I show (& tell) them how much I love them and how much I care?  This dad business is so much harder than I thought it would be, but so much more rewarding.

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